Thursday, July 14, 2016

#FicFest's Agent Round

Day 1: 12:00 AM, Posts have gone live! What a crazy feeling, seeing my story out there in the world for everyone to see. I've been so close-guarded with it, not ready to wear such a fragile piece of my heart on my sleeve. But seeing it out there, I realize that's exactly where it belongs!
There are already requests coming in for some entries! I feel so close to my fellow FicFest-ers right now. Just knowing we're all going through this together. Every single one of them has a story that belongs in the hands of readers.

Day 2: Just when I was pushing the refresh button for the thousandth time, thinking "my sanity can't possibly take any more of this," I realized their was an option to receive email notifications if comments had been made on your post... STARS,  I AM FREE.

Day 3: I knew that requests would likely be slow over the weekend. Agents get days off, right?
They've got better things to do than look at our our dreams and hearts laid out on the table before them as we put our futures in their hands--er--I mean, our posts...
And I'm definitely, DEFINITELY, not stalking them via Twitter wondering what in the world could be more important. Yeah, nope. Not me.

Day 4: What is life? Does it have meaning? Do I have meaning? Do you have to have a purpose to have meaning? Or is just existing enough? Will I ever know? Does anyone know? Would knowing defeat the purpose of the journey or would it add an understanding and appreciation that would otherwise be taken for granted? Is it even possible to...............
But really, as I watch the requests roll in for others, I'm genuinely struggling. "What am I doing wrong?" "Why can't I make this happen?" "Is this not what I'm meant to do?" My confidence and optimism are taking big hits today. I hope this is the worst these feelings get. Because they're unproductive and pander to self-pity. 

Day 5: Only a few days left.

Nope. Nope. I'm okay. It's cool. I knew this was going to happen. The market for my genre isn't back yet, I don't think I have the right beginning, too much info dumping, NA as a category doesn't seem to be catching on... it's cool. I'm fine. I totally anticipated this. Yep. We're good. Soooo gud.  

Day 6: *drops a sick beat*
Coming to terms. See the lessons I've learned.
You aren't given success, it's something you earn.
If the fire's still hot, it'll always burn.
Keep your head up, you're allowed to yearn.
Don't give in and never let go.
You'll get your turn, keep that fire aglow.

Yes... I am that lame. Considering a new career writing badass rhymes *ppfftt*

Day 7: 
I love Joey. And I love dinosaurs. Therefore I can not give up.  

On the End of FicFest:

I have to say, the best thing about this experience was the community. It's a reminder that you are not alone in the trenches, battling it out for your dreams. You've got people there, ready to hoist you up by the collar when you feel like giving up the fight. My fellow FicFest-ers were wellsprings of support and encouragement.

And from my wonderful mentor came a validation of purpose and self. I'm doing something worthwhile, I'm not totally, completely horrible at it, and it's a Personal Legend (seriously, you need to read The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho) that's still worth pursuing.

Soul Bound is a story close to my heart. I've learned so much about myself by looking at the first story I chose to write. And it's helped me immensely in deciding what's important to me as a writer and what I want to communicate through my stories.

FicFest was just one step in the journey. And it truly was a big one.
Here's to getting back on the horse, getting comfy AF in the saddle, and riding for the horizon (taking out some Nazgul and Fellbeasts on the way, HUZZAH).

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